WAGS 24.01.2018: Five do the Forest.

On Tuesday, the Financial Times published a story by Madison Marriage, a reporter who went undercover as a hostess at last week’s exclusive, black tie, male-only Presidents Club Charity Dinner in London. What she found was, well, exactly what you would imagine.

The dinner is  an annual event for over 300 powerful men in business, politics, finance, and sports. No women are allowed, besides the 130 hostesses who are required to be “tall, thin, and pretty,” and must wear short, tight black dresses, black high heels, and matching black underwear.

According to FT, hostesses said men made rude comments, reached up their skirts, groped them, and invited them up to their rooms. One woman also said a guest exposed his penis to her.?     ??????????

(Redacted to protect the innocent!) 

#me too. I give up. A gang of sex-crazed women on a hen party heading for the WI to harass a couple of innocent male exotic dancers, have threatened me with an investigation of the last 56 years of my hitherto heterosexual behaviour, starting with a promise to 'make me pay' for the time I spent in the back row double seats of the Don Cinema in 1962 with a precocious young lady who may have well been under 16 at the time, (NB I was below the age of criminal responsibility too) and whose life could have been psychologically impaired by my conduct. I apologise unreservedly and forgive her for her contemporaneous retaliation when she attacked my more sensitive areas with enthusiasm!

    Instead, before I sign myself in to a Monastery, pick up my hair shirt, and submit to daily thrashings. the thought occurred to me that we do take a lot for granted.

   For instance, since the latest WAGS walk at Barao Sao Joao, last week, when as leader I did the head count, I held up one hand and managed to calculate how many walkers we had ALL on that hand, without the need to employ the other or indeed remove my boots. Was it just luck that I had 5 digits?   Evolution cannot purposely have led to that unique moment in time when all the WAGS on a walk could be counted on one hand while I took the photo with the other!

     Human pentadactyly (the technical term for ‘possessing five digits’) isn’t unique. In fact, the ancestor of all modern tetrapods — mammals, reptiles, amphibians and birds — had five digits on each of its four limbs back in the Devonian period, 420 to 360 million years ago. Even bats and whales have the bony remnants of five digits in their wings and flippers, respectively, even though they no longer have need for proper hands.

Were five digits simply better than any other number?   Curiously, many tetrapods have lost some of the five, such as horses, whose hooves are large, single digits, and cats and dogs, which have five digits on their front paws, but only four on their back paws. Not so in primates, where the dexterity of five digits comes in handy for picking things up, so losing a digit would be detrimental. In cases where people have been born with an extra finger or two or excessive toes, the supernumerary digits are inevitably useless.

While we humans might have a ‘standard’ number of digits, what sets us apart from other tetrapods are our thumbs, a particularly interesting twist in our hands’ evolutionary story.

   We have a specific muscle that flexes the first digit: the flexor pollicis longus. When it occurs in apes, it is often tied in with other flexing digit muscles, which means that while humans can powerfully flex their thumbs and do so independent of their other digits, other apes have an extremely limited ability to do so.

   So what is the conclusion, if counting the number of WAGS on a walk on one hand is not the question?   Of course it is so that we can text or WhatsApp faster than any other species. 

    You may have gathered from the above that a special limited edition of 5 WAGS gathered at the entrance to the Mata Nacional in Barao Sao Joao on 24th just before 10am, after only  4 WAGS had made it to Vadibar, to take morning coffee with the local 'artistic' community of BSJ.  This after a Plastic WAG, a certain John H. had kindly volunteered his services the previous week and attracted 15 disciples, and a further two bitterly disappointed that they didn't make it.  It had been a walk of AWW proportions apart from the distance and the nourishing snacks to follow.

      This weeks walk was back to the true WAGS minimalist spirit, and amazingly, even without John's Special Equipment, I managed to get the whole group in one photo.

L-R Janette, Antje, |Chris, Peter and Paul plus Sasha, Inky and Pritti

(A first-time attempt photo on a time delay app on my smartphone using a Gecko phone stand.)

Absentees who gave a reason: Myriam had a damaged back; Tony had man flu; Rod was recovering from the effects of 50 years of marriage and saving himself for an impending Burns Night, and others had jumped over to the AWW, or were caring for sick relatives.

Of those present, Antje was in the last throes of bronchitis, Chris was a little fatigued at the start, Peter also had a strained back, and only Janette and Paul were in reasonable condition.

     And so, like the caring leader I am, we set off on the nursery slopes with no intention of bravado nor pushing the limits.

There were still a few water hazards, but all negotiated successfully.

Before dropping out, Myriam had expressed an interest in mushroom spotting, after a course with Almargem last Saturday. It was still in my mind, and luckily we had Antje as the acknowledged WAGS Expert on all things fungiform to assist with some tentative identifications.

No

No

Yes

No

After a delightful level meander through the trees on the sinuously winding path, we emerged after 4.5 km with a decision to be made - Left or right.?  An extremely brief discussion led to us taking the shorter flatter route, past the ever increasing number of wind turbines, lazily rotating in the faint breeze.

We summitted at a trig point in amongst these fans.

Two photographers required to capture the party.

The Via Algarviana is now a four lane highway in places.

An added bonus: Antje returned from UK after a course on her Apple iPhone and produced a picture. Many more to come we hope!

Shortly after the trig point, Antje, Chris and Peter invoked their 'Invalid's Option' and took a short cut (shown in blue on the trackpic below) while Janette and Paul completed the intended circuit and also raised the  average moving speed by several notches with a brisk dash, arriving back at the cars at the same time as the rebels.

Honour was satisfied by the Garmin stats and a pleasant walk had been completed.

Back to the Vadibar where our reserved table on the opposite side of the road from the locals was waiting, and our hostess produced a very high standard of bifanas and tostas, for a very reasonable outlay.

Lets hope for a swift and full recovery for those ailing WAGs who missed this gentle walk. Chris and Antje won't be with us next week as they are on a tax evasion course, so no doubt Rod will seize the opportunity to sneak in another of his exciting walks pushing the boundaries of modern WAGS capabilities!!

When ambition ends, happiness begins. 
-Proverb

Ambition can creep as well as soar. 
-Edmund Burke

WAGS 17.01.2018:Not Much Happened at Casinhas

I find it quite a daunting task to contribute to this blog site when I realise that one is following in the literary footsteps of a deeply philosophical thinker whose recent meditations have ranged from sandcastles in Cornwall, over  the merits of sem-alcohol beers, to the present-day social implications of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Paulo a Pé can mine unexpected riches from such themes but, although his ruminations on the Three Bears touch briefly on their toilet preferences, he doesn´t go overboard on the subject. For instance, on an earlier walk there was a lengthy and cultured discussion on the sanitary practices, or lack of, of the early Portuguese maritme explorers, some tenacious Hong Kong toilet paper, the comparatively enlightened construction of Roman lavatories, and the appalling lack of bidets in the UK but, since our Paulo can produce volumes from his own material, he felt that he had no need of any of that extra stuff.

Now, I have little idea how to emulate such discernment. The best I can do is resort to an old chestnut, i.e. how was this week´s walk publicised and wing it (i.e. make it up) from there on. If you recall, the walk announcement went like this:-

“Acting in response to imperial command of the Dragon Empress herself (a.k.a Myriam Lo), I kowtow and hasten to obey; I hereby confirm that I will be deeply honoured to lead the WAGS on their walk next Wednesday.”

Over bifanas after Rod´s walk the previous 10th January, Myriam had been at her most imperious when she decreed that I would lead this week´s walk – hence the light-hearted comparison to the Dragon Empress. Perhaps the tone of that publicity worked, because the turn-out was unusually large for WAGS at 15 and, if two potential walkers had not had to do airport runs (“Who flies in or out of Faro on a Wednesday?’”), we might even have had 17. But who was the real Dragon Empress?

Born in 1835, a Manchu not a Han Chinese, her name was Cixi. In 1851, she was one of the few winners of a selection process involving over 60 candidates vying to become concubines of the Xianfeng Emperor of China. (A similar sort of thing goes on today in Swaziland where every year the King selects a new wife from a group of competitively dancing virgins – he has currently got on to wife number 14.) The ranking system for concubines seems to have been almost as elaborate and mysterious as the pecking order among the WAGS is. Cixi started in the sixth rank as a concubine with the name “Noble Lady Lan”.Three years later, she was promoted to the fifth rank and was named “Imperial Concubine Yi “ Two more years, up she went to fourth grade as “Consort Yi.” One more year and there she was in the third grade as “Noble Consort Yi.” My source (Wikipedi, of couse) is discreetly silent about what skills she had to use to make such progress, but apparently she had the special ability, unusual among Manchu women, of being able to read and write Chinese.The Xianfeng Emperor entrusted her with passing state documents to his ministers and she made use of the opportunities this gave her to learn politics.

He died in 1861. He had a first rank wife but his heir was his 5 year-old son by Cixi.This son became the Tongzhi Emperor; both the formal wife and Cixi were promoted to the status of Empress Dowager – Cixi was now 27and by various machinations she became the power behind the throne, the phrase in use being “ruling from behind the curtain.” She didn´t like her son greatly and when he died aged 19, and his wife happened to die too around the same time, Cixi adopted her own 5 year-old nephew and he became the Guangzu Emperor. Incidentally, at one stage, the Guangzu Emperor tried to assassinate her and she put him under house arrest but, otherwise, they seem to have got on reasonably well for many years. Over the years, several other powerful people seem to have died, unexpectedly, suddenly and, for her, conveniently. So, when Empress Dowager Cixi died in 1908, she had in effect been supreme ruler of China for over 45 years. The Guangzu Emperor was presumably due to become her successor as real ruler of China although she didn´t much like his liberal, reforming and pro-Western leanings. But it just so happened that he died just one day before she did. Forensic tests in 2008 revealed that he did so because of acute arsenic poisoning. Oh dearie, dearie me!

She sounds as if she was a tough old coookie.

But enough of that; let´s move smartly on to the Starter photo.

Present, Standing:- Terry, Jill, Peter, JohnO, Chris, Lindsey, Rod, Ingrid, Paul, JohnH, Janette, Hazel, Tony, Geraldine,

Present, Enthroned:- Myriam.

Hounds:- At least 4  names which will be entered if I can be advised of them.

The indications had been that this was to be a cushy walk, which was probably why this experienced participant had swapped his hard-going Salomon 4D GTX Goretex Walking Boots for this softie pair – Salomon brand name unknown

Green countryside, blue skies -  perfect scrumping weather.

After a small unrecce´d detour, our way was blocked by a sturdy gate; the Empress demanded admittance. A neighbouring landowner let her in and guided us up to his own personal Trig point where  a traditional Trig photoshot was taken.

Hazel does a Maria.

The Landowner`s private pool?

Croissant manteiga, possibly.

Checking water supplies more and more necessary these days.

We went down into a small valley where Hazel spent some time collecting mushrooms. (Luckily for me, they didn´t look greatly appetising when we got them home, so they didn´t make it into the pot.)

“It was to be a Cottage with a Country View, but then he lost my blueprints.”

(with apologies to Fats Waller). 

Another cisterna; inspecting, not jumping.

Trying a touch of that old black magic.

Peter managed to resist temptation.

Waiting for the bifanas.

By chance, Casinhas was open and in due course 10 bifanas appeared. The WAGS food critic gave them a score of only 5 out of 10, so they don´t merit a photo.

Photo caption, anyone?

The food was organised so that hoi polloi  had consumed their common fare before her Imperial Excellence could eat in undisturbed seclusion, served with a fitting feast of roast pheasant, together with special decorative table mat et al,  a dish that did merit a photo of its own for the archives.

So, as you can tell, not much did happen on the walk. However, we do have two tracks from Google Earth, the first very clear one being from Paul´s Garmin Oregon 5500, I guess, the second being from my SatMap 12.

The tracks are virtually identical and Paul´s time and moving statistics are nearly the same as mine.

Which makes it strange that his distance is out by 0.87 kms. The official Leader´s stats are:-

Distance:10.1 km. Total ascent: 249 metres.

Total time: 3 hrs 15 mins. Moving time:2 hrs 35 mins

Overall speed: 3.1 kph. Moving average: 4.00 kph.

Finally, no quotation but some nostalgic(?) music.

https://youtu.be/mHcYjPEYSsk

WAGS 10.01.2018: Enxerim Endeavours

While waiting for the photos and script from John and Rod respectively, I spotted on Facebook, an article on the aftermath of storm Eleanor in Cornwall, and pertaining to Crantock Beach in particular, which is where I have my virtual home and my daughter, son-in-law  and two grandsons reside.
       I had been there in November 2016, and the boys thought it was great sport sliding down and leaping off the dune cliffs at the back of the beach. They had a thoroughly exhilarating  and enjoyable afternoon, though supervised by responsible adults!

     
Then Storm Eleanor came and significantly changed the coast of N. Cornwall.
You can see the Crantock 'cliffs' now

Now this is a National Scandal according to the Daily Mail, and Pirate FM the local radio which posted: 

"PHOTOS: Playing on storm-hit dunes dubbed a "serious risk to life"

Coastguards are warning that playing on the storm-hit dunes at a popular Cornish beach could be a 'serious risk to life'.

Pirate FM told you families were pictured climbing on the steep sand banks at Crantock, after the Duchy took a battering.

Several so-called sand cliffs were created when Eleanor's 80mph gales sent huge waves crashing into the coast.

  In the great scheme of things, looking at recent news this is a tad exaggerated. Sure the sand slides, but kids have been playing on these sand slides for centuries, and I don't know of any case where they have turned in to an avalanche as seen in the Swiss Alps in the Valais region, or a Californian mud-slide.   How far do we take the Nanny State? This beach belongs to National Trust. Are they to blame if a couple of small boys get a mouthful of sand while playing in this area? Should it be fenced off? Are people responsible for their own actions.     I am fairly confident that if I was in the area now as a teenager, I would have some fun on these dunes. A great natural playground and free!  But the warnings are issued, the latest being from the National Lifeboat Institute.        My son-in-law was back there with the boys today teaching them about managing risk while being a small boy, and how to have fun. While they were sliding and climbing back up, an intrepid reporter from Cornwall FM approached them and asked if they knew the Coastguard had warned against playing on the dunes. He replied that he did and he had measured the angle of repose of the face they were sliding on, and found it to be 38 to 40 degrees, so the slope was relatively safe as long as you didn't tunnel into the base! I am sure they were completely satisfied.     The point is, that when we walked as AWWs and latterly as WAGS we used the sum of our ever increasing experience to judge the limits of our capabilities, and if we get it wrong, it is our own  fault. I am sure the Coastguard would have warned half a dozen pensioners from descending the EDP clearance route (described by Rod later) but the alternative ( a long way back up the hill and a circuitous route which would have put us in danger of bumping into the AWW at Cafe de Castelo, by our inadvertent extension of the WAGS walk length criteria) was unthinkable, so we took a calculated risk and survived to WAG again.     And while I am on the subject of Nanny State, there is one project to which I fully subscribe!

A Kickstarter project which now produces some of the finest bottled beer available in UK, in particular this one which is almost alcohol free yet tastes like the real thing. They make a wide range which can be viewed HERE  Totally safe for teetotallers to topers, although if the Nanny State gets in, on the act. some of them will carry a Government Health Warning!

Mindful of the Cultural and Sporting connotations of being a WAG, we started off with an appropriately located photo. L-R Maria, Hazel, Myriam. Geraldine, Tony, Rod, Paul and John.
     

After two 'gentle' beach and boardwalks for the past two Wednesdays, to get back to the WAGS way of doing things, the baton went back to Rod, who apparently felt slope deficient and wanted to return to the undulating countryside north of Silves. Here are his memories of the walk, though he was somewhat distracted by the arrival of his new Samsung Smartphone, and the setup thereof.

Upstaged by the Foto Blogger, severely reprimanded by the Chief Blogger who thought it was utterly disgraceful that the AWW should have issued their walk report before us (well they usually do for that matter), and on a short leash domestically in view of forthcoming events, a humble contribution follows....just in time, maybe, to save the Chief Blogger from having to produce something on my behalf for a shameful second occasion!

We, that is to say Paul and Myriam, Tony, John & Hazel, Geraldine, Maria, the author and a few dogs gathered at the somewhat gloomy Café Prata in Silves for a 10.00 start...well punctuality is not essential according to WAGS lore; coffee takes precedence in order that creaking limbs should come to life but gradually.

Only 100m from the start Myriam availed herself of the most comfortable of cushioned antique Chippendale, positioned by the local debating society, not realising that it hadnt been Scotchguarded and had absorbed some of the rain intended to replenish the Barragem.

As seen on Bake-Off - a soggy bottom!

The walk eventually started off up the AW / VA route valley which still sports the now almost totally disintegrated article of underwear. That, or rather the indestructible label, closely examined yet again, we veered off up to the left..,or west for those that are compass savvy. 

NavigationalAids

It was an amusing discussion, but alas I can't remember how it got round to this PDA!

NSFW - Not Suitable For WAGS

This path crossed the EDP cleared high tension cable route ....very tidily done so no wonder our bills are so steep.  Fairly steep, too...well in WAGS terms... was the track to the top of the ridge.  Near the top a short cut up was contemplated but was eventually discarded as being just beyond WAGS capabilities, so a fairly long loop round was required. On getting to the top it was intended that a longer loop further round to the west would complete the circuit but it became apparent this would cause us to comfortably, or probably uncomfortably, exceed the WAGS maximum distance guidelines, so we turned east along  a well known, to some anyway, track eastwards.  It then appeared that this would result in undershooting the distance guidelines so our great leader back-tracked  to follow a somewhat indistinct path near the top of the ridge. 

The optional easy way down!

This rather abruptly encountered the EDP clearance again which necessitated either a fairly steep descent to the valley or go back and take the easy route. Well two refusals would have been too much even for WAGS so we braved it and nobody was mortally injured. This eventually took us back down the same valley we started up but it ensured that the total distance did not exceed 10k.

On the way we encountered a few rare Algarvean Puddles - a dog's delight

And a few short sharp scrambles.

Hazel's polished two stick climbing technique.

Impressionist view of John emerging from the undergrowth

Studies in WAGS walking techniques: The blind leading the blind.......

..............I believe I can fly

Café Prata was considered too gloomy and probably somewhat below WAGS epicurean standards  for post walk indulgence so we set off in convoy elsewhere. Elsewhere mostly proved to be closed so we eventually decided on the much used of old Café do Castelo, or something, near the cemetery. Here we found a really quite high level of bifana and tostas quality which seemed to satisfy even the most discerning WAG.

 Hazel demonstrates exceptional mustard extraction ability...........

.................with an artistic result.

    "I don't know who keeps sending me these anatomical snaps. Do you recognise him Maria?"

Rod opted for the full silicone cheese toastie

      
A few ancillary snaps that escaped the narrative:

Stopping the wall from collapsing

An early Eighties Hong Kong Good Morning towel. Useful as a white flag if the going gets tough!

It wasn't wet was it?

The new pipe across the Silves Bridge which formerly sprayed more water through rusty joints than it carried.

                                                              We'll tak the high road............

.....and you tak the low road.

Thanks John for the track  and the approx stats

Distance: 9.52 km+ /-

Moving time : 2 hrs 26 min

Average moving: 3.7 kph

Total ascent: 311 metres

On the Nanny State:

“The nannyism is partly to distract from the corruption — and partly just another opportunity to leverage it. A good general rule is that the more a government wants to run its citizens’ lives, the worse job it will do at the most basic tasks of government.” 

― Glenn Reynolds